Monday, 8 April 2013

Jonathan im Deutschland - Sixth Day


Today has been spent almost entirely packing or traveling, and as a result I have little of note to share today. I will remark, however, that German security is more stringent than its French counterpart. As example I offer my own experience.

Upon arriving at Paris Charles-de-Gaulle airport I rushed through security and soon found myself ready to take a plane. To get through security I merely evacuated my laptop from its bag, dumped my coat and jacket in a tray and strolled with leonine steps through the metal detector. The security guard gave me a nod, I returned it, replaced laptop, jacket and coat, and then strolled on before having a coffee and pondering some Molière.

For "pondering some Molière" read "sitting down, realising that the plane was boarding and leaping up again." but really, why let the truth get in the way of a pleasing phrase?

Now, on my way back, I went through the same procedure, only this time the metal detector went off. I was wearing almost the exact same outfit, note, but the detector went off anyway. It could smell my apprehension, my fear of being shouted at in German again. So it went off.

I was waved to the side and what followed was the most intimate examination of my being I've ever had while still wearing clothes. This security guard knows which way I dress. He knows whether or not I'm circumcised. He knows my collar size, my trouser size, and the length of my hand from the wrist to the tip of the longest finger.

That's not what he measured, but he knows it all the same.

So my advice to travelers is this: if you are passing through a German airport, save yourself some time and dress in canvas trousers, a cotton shirt, and rubber sandals.