Thursday, 20 December 2012

You know you're in trouble when your nose runs and your feet smell

I am leaking brain lubricant.


Exactly like that, but on a sort of continuous flow. Quite vile. On the other hand, my voice has dropped a good octave and has turned into a 20-a-day, sexy, roguish sort of tone. Clouds and their silver linings. Aches are gone, cough is almost gone. Just a little hoarse now. And, as previously stated, leaky.

I have started packing, a phrase which here means "I've thrown everything in a suitcase and sat on it. It hasn't helped that I ordered six bottles of rather good champagne and then completely forgot about it until it got delivered today, although it was rather a delicious surprise. I'm just not sure how I'm going to get them back home. I certainly don't plan on drinking them all in one go.

I say, I've just had a thought. I was talking about champagne only yesterday. How peculiar. It seems that my subconscious has a better memory than I do. I hope it remembers my pin code, because I certainly don't.

A minor detail, though. I shall shortly get back on with packing - any recommendations on how exactly to fit six bottles into my relatively small suitcase would be most welcome - and then perhaps do something with the meager ingredients left in my fridge and cupboards. I was invited to dinner, but considering my distinct lack of voice I suspect I would be poor company. And I can't stand being poor company, it's a terrible thing to inflict on one's friends.

My sister has cooked a gigantic meal for her friends - and gigantic here is not an overstatement; look at the size of the animal that she's essentially clothed in bacon :


That is, to me, what little pigs want to be when they're grown up. She also made the crackers you can see there herself and is probably going to work shortly afterwards. 

My sister is clearly some sort of meta-human from a parallel dimension. I mean that's ridiculous. To have an entire Christmas lunch ready and then go to work? I could barely move after that much food. My entire plan for Christmas Day is get up - install myself in a chair - eat until I can be rolled around like a beach ball. At some point I might go and play darts with the other chaps in my family, because that's what we chaps do, but just...

Massive kudos to my sister.

I have about two hours of work to do tomorrow, and then I'm essentially free. Hopefully nothing more will be sprung on me, but I doubt it - colleagues are leaving left and right, all eagerly heading to their homes and their families. I can't wait to make that journey.

I just need to work out how to fit the champers in.

Postscript - I acquired some tickets to Disney for some friends and they came with free infant tickets. If you have an under-17 brother/sister/niece/nephew/cousin you'd like to take, then I should be happy to dole out the tickets. Worms, birds, you know the drill.